Thursday, April 29, 2010

Oil spills and this and that

Hey everyone! Okay, I know I've been awol for a few days. If my muse and motivation are absent, I figure it's better to skip a day or two. I've noticed there are some blogs in the Anderworld that never miss a day: come rain, shine, sleet, or snow they blog on time. It doesn't matter if they are in a good mood or a foul one, they blog on time. At first, it's almost admirable. However, in reading these blogs you'll notice that they criticize Anderson's every word, the stories he covers, the way he covers them, and .... well, you get the picture. I often wonder how many decisions are made at CNN by people who believe that the opinion of these bloggers is the opinion of the rest of us. As for me, these bloggers don't speak for me. I like the show and even though it lacks Anderson's personality and integrity when he's not there, it's still a good show. I just hope we don't lose AC360 because some bloggers had a bad day and aim their constant complaints at the program. One thing I'm curious about is how many of you watch AC360 even when Anderson is off. Maybe it depends on what else is on. I wonder if Anderson watches it when he's off? You know, get a glimpse from the other side of the camera?

I still don't understand their cutting the show from two hours live to one hour live. For some reason they didn't consult me on the matter. Enough on that subject.

A bit of environmental news; the oil slick edging toward Louisiana. Does this convince anyone why we shouldn't have offshore drilling? When bad things happen we always wonder why. Why did God let this or that happen? Maybe sometimes it's his way of smacking us on the back of the head like Gibbs to get our attention. I hope this oil slick convinces people we shouldn't be drilling in the ocean. Besides the chance of an accident, doesn't this raise the temperature of the water making hurricanes stronger? Even cell phones create some heat despite their small size, surely all that huge drilling equipment would create heat. We'll keep watching and hopefully Anderson will keep em honest and maybe even take a trip down there. Sorry about the ranting but this is a subject that gets me hot under the collar. Mom is probably glad she isn't here and would have to listen to it. That's another thing I miss - my sounding board; someone to share things with, good and bad.

One reminder, Anderson will have a segment on 60 Minutes this Sunday. Have a good night everyone and keep your fingers crossed that we'll have an AC360 with AC come Monday.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Day 2: AC360 without AC

I'm not sure which is appropriate at this hour, good evening or good morning! Guess it depends on where you are. I don't know about you, but the week seems so much longer when Anderson is off. Yes, I know he deserves and needs some vacation or at least work that is a litttle different from the same old, same old. However, I miss the show with him sitting behind the desk. It's part of my nighttime ritual. He puts a smile on my face before I go to bed. He makes me forget my problems, my troubles, and takes away the loneliness. The loneliness is the worst since Mom is gone. It surrounds me like a heavy, dark cloud that feels like it's closing in on me and pushing me down. I'm familiar with the feelings of loss, but at one appointment someone verbalized perfectly. The doctor asked how I was doing, besides having a "heavy heart". I don't remember if I heard the term before but it was like a light bulb going off in my head. That was it! That's how it felt. A big heart normally seems like a good thing. A heavy heart, though, isn't the same thing. It makes you feel like your chest is too full. It's a feeling of intense presssure as though someone were sitting on your chest. You can't take a deep breath. The only time it's relieved is when you cry your eyes out. As horrible as that feels, it does relieve the pressure you feel inside, at least for a little while.

Sometimes in articles or interviews, Anderson mentions loss and how he misses his dad and brother. He seems to have handled his grief with moderation, style, and grace, and generosity. I constantly wonder how he does it. It's been quite a few years and he's come through it. I often wonder how he did it; how he does it now. What I wouldn't give to have his guidance. A helpful hint or two to guide me on my way through this dark and dismal world that has me trapped. It reminds me of that one commercial on television. You know the one where they ask where you want to go - answer: no where. What do you want to do: nothing. That's the way I feel.

To be bluntly honest though, there are a few things I want. I want a shoulder to lean on when I cry. I want to feel strong arms wrapped around me to make me safe again. I want that large hand resting in my hair and stroking me while I listen to that calm, soothing voice. That gentle voice telling me he is there and everything is going to be okay. I know it's not going to be okay, but I think I would still like to hear the words.

For those of you still up, goodnight and sweet dreams. For the early risers, have a good day.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Weekend Musings

Hope everyone had a good weekend. I guess I could say mine was okay. Nowadays, any day I can get through without uncontrollable crying, aka meltdowns, I consider a good day. I've spent the evening watching "Pretty Woman" . Yes I've seen it before; probably dozens of times. I could no doubt recite it word for word. As with most things, there are favorite moments.


You know how there are things we wish we could do, wish we could be? That's my favorite moment in this movie. Remember when Vivian (Julia Roberts) walks through the hotel lobby after shopping and everyone stops to watch her? I wish I could have that effect on people. The same thing happens when she and Richard Gere are on their way to the opera and she is wearing that beautiful red dress. Of course, people who elicit such a reaction like Anderson Cooper probably hate it; consider it intrusive, annoying, and embarrassing. However, for people like me and my mom who grew up feeling invisible it's a different story. Mom always described herself as having mousy brown hair, being shy and quiet, as opposed to her older, popular, outgoing sister with her long, blonde hair, brown eyes, and adventurous nature. She was the one who always came home from school with her long hair blowing in the wind, carrying her boots, and toting a stray puppy begging incessantly, "can I keep him, can I keep him?"


Growing up as the mousy one, I should know the importance of compliments. This is why I can't understand my careless omission a week or so before Christmas. I came downstairs to find Mom sitting in her recliner with a book in her lap and a cup of tea and remnants of breakfast on the table near her. I stopped and stared at the scarf around her neck. It was a small, white chiffon scarf secured with a small, costume jewelry Christmas pin. It was a Santa Claus on skis holding the two sides of the scarf together. It looked really nice and was something different that she hadn't worn before. I stood in front of her staring at it and thinking how nice it looked. But I never said a word. She probably thought I was staring and thinking it didn't look right or thinking "why is she wearing my pin"? She couldn't read my mind and wouldn't know I thought it looked really nice. Why didn't I tell her? For someone who doesn't get compliments all the time, they are important. I should know this! Why didn't I say something?


Now it's too late. She's gone and I can't go back. I can't make it right. I can't change it. How often do we hear that life is short and we should make sure we say the important things?  We need to tell people how we feel? Yet we still ignore this sage advice and go on as usual. Why?


Saturday, April 24, 2010

Writer's Block?

Sitting in a hot, relaxing bubble bath scented with "Silent Night" the words flowed through my mind like a babbling brook twinkling in the sun. So now, here I sit with my laptop on my lap ready to record those inspiring thoughts. And guess what? NOTHIN! Can't think of a thing to say. Don't you hate days like that?

One thing I would like to say is "what's going on with the people at 360?" There is always somebody leaving! How many of us would give our first born to work there and there's all these people there who pick up and leave. I don't get it. However, I think it's great that this mother decided to stay home and devote all her time to loving, caring, and nurturing her new baby. In my opinion, that's the way it should be. I was kidding about the firstborn by the way.

I've noticed some other blogs have been very critical of AC360 lately. Well, not lately. Certain blogs have been criticising 360 for years. I just hope this time no one pays any attention. First they complained that too much of the second hour was the same content as the first hour. Finally, they cut out the live second hour and just re-run the tape of the 10:00 PM show. Now the complainst seem to be bringing about another change. Are the live audience programs they're planning going to be taped replacements of the 10:00 PM Friday programs? I hope not. I like the live AC360 and would love if they went back to two hours; more Anderson is better than less Anderson. Let me know what you think.

Have a great weekend everybody.