Historic Week

It's been a long time since I've blogged for a multitude of reasons. The two main reasons are that my computer crashed and I did as well. I didn't have the motivation or the energy to get my computer fixed and frankly, the same applied to me. For anyone who is new here, I lost my mom a little over a year ago. She had a stroke at Christmas and I still haven't recovered. I know, I know, I should be over it by now. I've been informed of that many times now by many people. Despite that fact, the pain and sorrow hasn't just disappeared and I'm still feeling abandoned and devastated. There are days I don't think I can survive the sadness. Hence, the lack of blog postings.

On a less personal note, as Anderson said on Friday "this has been an historical week." At first I thought the capture and killing of Osama bin Laden seemed anti-climactic. Good news by all means, but still. As more details came out the story became more interesting and Anderson's compelling coverage made you feel more connected. However, once one remembered those who lost loved ones and realizing Osama's demise did nothing to ease their pain and certainly wouldn't bring back those that were lost. The gaping hole in their hearts will not heal. They will forever miss their moms, dads, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, friends, neighbors, and co-workers. Long after everyone else is over the sadness and have gone on with their lives, these people will still have to live with the enduring pain of a life without their loved ones.

Anderson said one time that the worst part of losing someone is after all the people have come to the funeral and gone home. When life is supposed to be back to normal. I totally agree. As the months go by the pain remains and sometimes seems like it gets worse. Unfortunately, this is the time everyone assumes you are supposed to be over it and get on with your life. You can't share you sadness with anyone because they believe you should be over it by now and that you're okay. You have to keep it to yourself that you're not okay and there are days when you don't think you can live through the sadness. In novels you often see the phrase "heavy heart". I always wondered what that meant. I decided it was just an eloquent little phrase; chalk it up to poetic license. Now I know it is a very real feeling and is to be taken quite literally. It feels like a cement block in your chest. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to think, it just hurts. I don't now if there is anything that can really help. It would be nice though if you could have someone to share it with and find out if anything helps. Until then, you hide your pain and try pretending that everything is fine.

I've always wondered how Anderson has gotten through the pain of losing loved ones. I guess I will never know since emails are never answered. On the other hand, I'm probably right and the pain will never go away and he doesn't have the heart to tell me straight out. If no one says it, maybe you can hang on to a thread of hope that someday things will get better and the pain will ease, if only a little bit!